Joy & Hating Kids

In two days, it is going to be my boyfriend’s birthday…

It still feels weird to say “my boyfriend.” Not because it’s the first time that I’ve been in a relationship or anything, but really just because this isn’t where I saw myself ending up.

Its been a rough year for my heart… there is no other way to put it.

But right now, even as I try harder and harder to find a reason to not be as happy as I am, I can feel absolutely nothing but joy.

Joy for everything that is going on in my life. Joy for having such amazing people in my life.

Treseat.

Michelle.

Tami.

Maira.

Chloe. (Who I literally just got off the phone with)

And of course, my boyfriend, the most amazing guy that I have ever met, Yuzhe “Andy” Yang.

I can not express to you all how amazing it feels to have you all as friends (or boyfriends lol). You literally mean the world to me, and I thank God everyday for allowing me this time with you.

I have met so many people over the years, and so many times have I felt that I would keep them with me forever. And so many times have I been let down.

You guys have never let me down, and I don’t think that you ever will.

I don’t think that you could.

But this post isn’t about my love for you guys, it’s actually just about me. And my love for me. Because, if I am to be true to myself, I should only be talking about myself. Right?

So I’m freaking happy, man.

I have let go of everything and everyone that was holding me back. Anything that has hindered my growth, and anyone that has hindered my spirit. I have tossed them all aside to make room for newer, better things.

Because I was holding on to some serious shit. And some really shitty people to.

And if you read this, and you feel like I’m talking about you, then I probably am. But then, people usually know when their shitty. So this shouldn’t be a surprise. But just in case it is…

You. Yes, you. The person getting offended. You are literally a piece of shit.

And like the dirt that I walk on, you are beneath me.

But, again, enough negativity. This is a positive post.

Stay positive, Mikey J…

So… to get back to where I was at the beginning… in two days, it will be my boyfriend’s birthday.

He’ll be 24, but I think he’s 26 in Chinese years. I run the risk of being racist by saying that, but he told me something about how traditional (old)  Chinese people count age differently.

I like that though, because it means I’m dating an older guy.

I’m dating and older guy…

Fucking*

I enjoy the sentiment of being the young man who seduces old people for money. Men or women, money is genderless.

And my boyfriend is a computer engineer, who is currently working for Microsoft.

You see the correlation there? I certainly do.

Foresight people. It’s called having foresight.

The only downfall is that he’s causing me to start thinking about kids.

That’s literally disgusting.

I lie. Yogurt is disgusting. Kids just kind of suck.

Fortunately, we’re in a homosexual relationship, so having a child would require a bit of fortitude, a lot of effort, and about $40k.

If I’m lucky, last part should speak to the frugality in his Chinese blood…

Because I hate amusement parks, and I don’t ever want to have to spend an entire day at one. And I wont have to.

Why?

Because I won’t have kids…

Because I’m gay…

Homosexuality: For people who hate spending $10 for lemonade, standing in line for roller coasters, and seeing people’s awful bodies in bathing suits.

You’re welcome.

Oh, how I do enjoy myself…

Joy.

Signed,

Mikey J

Falling In Love

Falling in love is the best thing ever. The butterflies, the stupid smiles, the endless thoughts of how amazing this person is and how lucky you are to have found them.

It’s a beautiful thing.

I don’t often fall in love, I think because I close that part of myself off from the rest of the world… because I don’t think they want it. Not from me, at least.

And it usually works pretty well. I don’t get hurt very often because I don’t allow myself to get hurt. And that saves me a lot of money on depression food. Why they have yet to  begin marketing an ice cream flavor called “he don’t want you, bitch” is beyond me.

They would have the market cornered.

But when I do open myself up, it’s like I step into this wonderful world of joy and happiness and all those other gay emoting phrases that I refuse to list out. You get where I’m going with this. It’s fucking awesome.

I’m feeling those things right now. I’m falling in love.

I never thought, after the way last year went, that I would find a person that could make me feel so good about myself. Like I’m actually worth their time. Like it isn’t a chore to be around me.

Alone.

Because, you see, when you’re alone with someone, that’s when you really know. When you’re alone with someone, there are no distractions, no buffers, nothing to hide them from you, or you from them.

The both of you are forced, in that moment, to be face to face, with nothing but the other person to feed off of.

And sure, we have electronics, and music, and those awkward pauses when you can’t make conversation flow, but even so, the feeling of being with that other person is still there.

And if that isn’t something that you can handle, you will know.

And if that isn’t something that you want, you will know.

I’ve been alone with this person so many times in the last month. And each time just gets better and better.

I’m learning so many new things about them. And they’re actually really interesting.

And they’re beautiful.

I’ve known this person for years now, but it wasn’t until recently that I truly appreciated them.

And I’m not afraid to show them my true self. And because of that, I’m learning that this is real.

This is real love. And not that fake shit they talk about on the internet.

You know, relationship goals? Fuck that shit, dude.

I don’t want to waste my time with someone who dresses like me, or speaks like me, or has all of the same interests as me. I don’t want to date someone just so we can take selfies while sharing a four piece chicken nugget from Mcdonalds.

Seriously, thats how you bitches look.

You take chicken nugget selfies.

Do better.

No, I want to be with someone who is so different, who I have to take my time to learn about. I want to explore their interests, and have them reveal new things about themselves to me every day.

Of course, it’s important to have a few things in common, but whats more important is the willingness and openness to trying new things.

Take an interest in their lives. Don’t live them.

Otherwise, fuck the other person. Just go out to dinner by yourself every Friday night and jack off two to three times a week. It’s basically the same thing.

This person and I do share a lot of the same interests though. We dress alike too.

In fact, the only thing that is really different about this person and I are our personalities.

That makes sense though, seeing as this person is me.

The old me. The one who was happy, and confident, and loud, and less of an alcoholic.

This past month, I’ve been falling in love with myself, as I used to be, when I was happy. Because I actually am that person again.

And I think my friends like this person better. And I’m sure that the ones who haven’t met him yet will too. Because he’s fucking awesome, dude.

I’m fucking awesome.

And I hope that I don’t lose this version of myself ever again.