One of the Libra person’s trademarks are the inability to feel completely comfortable when alone. That feeling of lonesomeness is also one that comes quite easily to the Libra, and because of this, they find themselves in constant need of company, companionship, human interaction.
I have always admired people who were able to enjoy their alone time. I’m not that kind of person. I lack the independence necessary to enjoy solitude to its fullest.
Solitude has, however, latched its claws into me and draped its long arms around my shoulders lately. I have never felt more alone in my life than I do right now.
It’s not for lack of company though. I more or less go out with someone every weekend. But that’s simply to enough for me. I miss being able to just hang out with someone and talk about random things. Or talk about serious things. Or be told that I think about things in a weird manner. I just miss… just hanging out.
I have not single friend in the city of College Park right now. Everyone has left. Well, to be fair, Taylor is here, but we never see each other because she’s always ridding a damn horse in her free time.
(Apologies, Miss Bendalin. Keep riding those horses. They’ll make you rich one day.)
Of course, I know other people, but no one that I would consider a friend. At least, not a good enough friend that I could just pop up at their door randomly. Or sleep on their couch. In their room. Even in their place. I don’t trust anyone else here that much.
So, here I am, a lonely young adult, struggling to get his education, and creeping closer to a life as a cocaine kingpin.
I could totally do it. If I tilt my face down 20 degrees, I look evil AF.
This is where Ejaz comes in. And I sure hope he doesn’t find this, because it would make for a very awkward third date.
“Hey, Mikey… so I saw you wrote about me… could you maybe not?”
“… Sure Ejaz… now just excuse me for a quick second while I kill myself in your bathtub.”
Back to it though…
Ejaz and I met a short while ago. He actually told me that he was scared to say anything to me because he thought I was too good-looking to be interested in him. Me. Has he not an eyeball in his head?
But, we’ve been hanging out from time to time, and I like him. He’s really interesting. He has opinions that make no sense to me, which makes me want to listen to him explain himself more and more. And he’s got the best hair I’ve ever seen before.
Like seriously, it makes no sense for someone to have hair as amazing as his.
And I like him, and I’ve been as honest with him as possible, but I find myself questioning something. Rather, Michelle said something to me and made me question something.
Michelle is really just my inner thoughts and uncertainties personified into the form of a sassy black woman who loves business attire.
I hope it’s not racist of me to call her a sassy black woman…
In any event, she brought up that I may just be lonely and using him to pass the time. Which could be the case. Maybe I am just using him to pass the time. But, what is dating if not just an elaborate way to pass time?
Why meet someone, spend time with them, get to know them, and do the whole song and dance, if not to pass time? Sure, you could say that it’s in order to find a prospective significant other, but at its core, all you two are doing is passing time.
It’s just in a way that’s more robust than watching Netflix.
Or Hulu, can we talk about how I haven’t seen The Mindy Project since its first season, and am now binge watching it because I am Mindy Lahiri.
Im so serious.
I. AM. MINDY.
I think that right now I may be rambling, but that’s okay. I didn’t have much of a theme for this blog post, I just wanted to say something.
I’m tired of being alone here. I need a friend. I don’t want a relationship.
Well, scratch that.
I am in the preliminary stages of a relationship. BUT, I would love to have a friend in this city even more so. Someone who I could just open a beer, or a bottle of wine with, and play a video game or watch a shitty movie or go running with. I need a workout buddy. I need someone who’s down to just randomly go to a bar a get shit faced and then walk home trying to act sober in front of the police.
I need a fucking friend out here man. Because unless one of my friends moves back, this is going to be a very lonely year for me.
(BTW, I’m totally down for some pho right now because I saw a video on Facebook. Any takers?)
(ALSO, my cat is ok. I know everyone was worried when I said I thought she had gotten thrown away, but she was just behind my bed. Lena P was hiding from me, but she came home.)
Conversations With Myself 